A healthy state of detachment is absolutely necessary for a whole and healthy life. Sometimes it is easier to explain what something is not, rather than what it is, and that is extremely true for detachment. For those who have learned to practice detachment in its purest and healthiest form it is not disinterest. It is not cold and uncaring. It is not abandonment and it is not lack of feeling.
In order to reach a profound state of healthy detachment one often travels a very long road of feeling, caring, involvement, hurting and suffering on behalf of other people and other causes. That road has become so painful and non-productive that detachment is the only salvation left.
There often comes a moment when you realize you are too close to a situation to do any good. You begin to understand that you are just getting sucked into the emotions and the anxiety and that you are not only not helping, but that you have even become part of the problem, generating more unhealthy vibrations.
Awareness precedes detachment, and sometimes people never arrive. They use the excuse ‘but I care – how can I not be involved?”. “If I don’t take care of them, and feed them, or shelter them, or worry about them, or advise them or whatever, what will they do?”
Those statements assume several things that one must get past. They assume that others are helpless. They assume there is no help, except them. They assume responsibility for things that don’t belong to them.
We must accept that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own behavior. We must understand that we were not put on this earth to be a savior, just an example, no matter how deep our love goes. We must believe there is a Universal God and a universal plan and we may not be aware of the totality of it – only an important piece of it. We need to focus on our piece.
I am here to do my job, not yours. Sometimes my job is to detach and allow things to be.
You can be the most loving, caring, supporting, involved, effective model of productive behavior there is, and still maintain a sense of detachment from the pain and the outcome. That is your goal.
I read the story of a young mother whose child was screaming in pain in the emergency room and she told him she loved him but that she needed to go for a few minutes to get some help, left him in the care of professionals, and went outside for a few minutes. She explained later that she needed to pray – she needed to send healing – she needed to send comfort – she needed to send vibrations of calm – she needed to detach from the pain that she was feeling herself so that she could become a source of comfort and healing for the person she loved more than life itself. She needed a few minutes away from his strong vibrations of fear in order to do that.
Sometimes that is what we need to do – if not physically, then absolutely on an emotional level. We need to go to a place where we can become focused and centered and willing to be conduits for healing energies and then we can return to work. I recently had an experience where something happened and everyone around me grew very angry. I wanted to. I knew I couldn’t afford to. At that moment my anger would only add fuel to the fire. I needed to detach from the angry fearful emotions and introduce calm and reason into the situation. Our vibrations are powerful. Giving in to negative ones can be very detrimental. If you haven’t paid much attention to learning how to detach before, I hope you will give it some thought now.